drinking the expired hot chocolate - a low point

I sit so hunched over that my chin rests on my coffee cup. To be fair, it is a tall coffee cup, big and fat, Handpainted In China, and tall enough to hide an incredible amount of hot chocolate. Years ago, my grandmother gave me this cup and a matching cake plate, explaining that "a woman needs these for when she wants a little something sweet just for herself." I'd never had any trouble eating sweets off of everyday dishware but, still, I was grateful for the general idea: Treat yourself special, she was saying.

I'm not sure preparing expired hot chocoloate mix in boiling water as a strategy for avoiding major life responsibilities was what she had in mind. Sigh. I sink deeper into the rim of the cup, letting the chipped porcelin leave strange dimples in my chin. Today I am supposed to be Getting Things Done. Instead I pace my apartment, break open a bag of potatoe chips, search my kitchen cabinets for dinner ideas that don't require ingrediants, and return to my Coffee Cup Perch for rest. This is not what I thought I'd be like at 30. Drinking the expired hot chocolate with potatoe chips? Seriously?

I have two toddlers to raise and a dissertation to write and job applications to submit. I have dishes and laundry and bedrooms to clean. I have Halloween photos to upload and emails to read. I have a husband to love and friends to call back. and I need an oil change. This is no time for an existential crisis! I sit up straight in my chair, set aside the hot chocolate, and decide my grandmother was right. Sometimes a woman does need to treat herself special.

I think she meant we are all supposed to upgrade our procrastination techniques to include melodramatic blogging. At least that way we have something to show for ourselves.