kid related facebook posts - jan 1 till april 21st

why are neither of my children wearing pants?

doing taebo with the toddlers is like mixing kickboxing, aerobics, and a drunk game of Twister

the first rule of Candy Land is never cry about Candy Land

now he has swallowed a metal marble. I'm adding Poison Control's number to my phone now because, let's face it, its only a matter of time...

my 3 year old says that when I "really grow up" I will be a "Dinosaur Assistant" and he will be a "Train Taker". Izabella added that she will be a "Baseball Game". At least she's settled on something sporty. I think "train taker" means hobo. Later when my husband said he wanted to be a daddy when he grows up, ron2 said "I don't want you to be a daddy forever. You should go do something else". Nice to see them value all we do for them.

after singing along with the lovely soothing line "peace runs through me like a river" iza says "peas?!" and laughs hysterically.

I think its funny when pediatricians put clown fish in their aquariums. surely they realize the kids will think its Nemo. don't they know the plot of that movie?

just found my 2 year old daughter talking to herself ("I think I take a shower. my daddy takes showers but not now cuz he at work. he work on his computer...") while sitting inside the pots/pans cabinet wearing sunglasses

riding home in the car, I tell my kids "I love you so much!". my 3yr old replies "why are you always saying that? you said it in summer, you said it in spring, you said it in fall. now its winter and you keep saying it? we know!". then my 2yr old says "good job mom". little teenagers trapped in toddler bodies, I swear

a week after trying to explain heritage to ron2 he asked "why do I have all those countries inside of me? you know, african, irish..."

ron2 explaining his painting "and this is the baby. she's behind the rainbow. I know that doesn't make any sense but that's what it is."

hates when toddlers cry, whimper, and/or yell at their brother in their sleep ("Nonald, it mine! mumble mumble cry You no touch! mumble mumble snore...")

ron2 mixed up heaven and outer space and said he wanted to "travel to Outer God"

my toddlers invented an imaginary friend named Marta who called them repeatedly on their play phone until they decided "she calls too much, that Marta." ("yeah she's crazy!") and stopped answering.

when I picked up the kids after working out at the Y ron2 said "mommy! your belly isn't fat any more. good job!" then he warned me not to eat sweets anymore because then my belly will get fat again.

my kids just bit and hit each other to settle a dispute over whether to turn on an IMAGINARY tv set. at least they fully embrace creative play.

waiting for my flight to boston, I realized with some panic that I hadn't brought a stroller for the kids! then I remembered I also hadn't brought the kids so I would probably be alright.

ron2 has started winking at me and calling his sister "Baby Girl"

Ron2 talking on his play phone: "Hi Mercer. (pause) Yeah. (pause) Yeah, man. I know! I was like "Whoo Hoo!". (pause) I know! (laughter)" Then to me: "That was Mercer. He just told me the funniest thing I have ever heard in my life! I was like 'That was crazy, Merc man, that was so crazy'. Oh Mercer." Then he took another call...

after jumping off the swing and announcing "swings are cool!" iza turned to me and said "you're cool too mom." sometimes this is a very well paying job indeed.

I reconsider my general stance on the "nature vs nurture" question when my toddler son goes into the bathroom and pees in the garbage can. (He loves peeing in garbage cans. He gets in trouble for it all the time. But his usual excuse is that he felt he couldn't get to the bathroom in time. Since he was IN the bathroom this time he simply said "its too late. I already peed in the garbage so don't even worry about it".)

popcorn kernel in the eye, penny adhered to the roof of the mouth, swallowed metallic marvel, and now: Honey Nut Cheerio wedged up the nose. ("to stop the buggers", apparently).

how do you introduce the premise of Easter traditions (painted eggs, giant bunnies...) to toddlers? it is all so absurd. they look at me like 'WTF mom?'

he is STILL doing april fool's 'jokes', which generally entail saying something that isn't true ("mom, I spilled oatmeal on the floor!"), asking "wait what am I supposed to say?", getting clarification from me, and then yelling "April Fool's" at the top of his lungs. fun for all.

watching the news with his father my 3 year old says "dad, I don't understand the iraq and afghanistan wars". you and me both, kid.

all day my kids have looked at a toy watch and made decisions based on the fact that it is "almost eleven and a half".

today my kids hung out in the play area at the Y, went to their favorite playground, and picked new books at the library. I asked iza what was the best part of the day and she said "I liked the part when daddy came home". my favorite part too, to be honest.

tried to tell my kids fairy tales and realized that I don't actually know how many of them end. repunzal, rumplestiltscan, hanzel and gretel... i'm fuzzy on the details and confused about the life lesson. I think I just taught my kids to grow long hair, to never promise away their first born child, and to avoid either old ladies or the forest. that should serve them well in life right?

I blame tia majo for teaching my kids to pick flowers as little gifts to me. i turned my attention to a phone call while on our walk today and they enthusiastically beheaded half the front yard gardens on Darlington Road. how do you chastise children who are handing you a lovely bouquet?

I told my back-talking daughter "shut your mouth" and ron2 said "mom, that's not nice language. I know you didn't say 'shut up' but its still rude words and i'm worried about it"

ron2's latest scientific investigation: "mom, what do you know about removing shadows? I don't want mine to keep following me but I can't figure out how to take it off". I introduced him to the shadow destroying power of shade, much to his delight.